Goodbye, Annica

It's been a rough day today. We had a death in the family. I received the bad news this afternoon that my “cousin” had to give birth prematurely last night and consequently lost the baby. A girl, who I was going to name Anne Catherine, or Annica for short.

When my then-pregnant Manang and her family moved back from Saudi Arabia to my hometown about two months ago, I insisted on naming the baby. She has two sons already, whose names all start with “A”. So I was thinking of naming the baby Anderson if it was a boy (after my favorite CNN reporter Anderson Cooper) and Anne Catherine if it was a girl (after the Great Russian Empress Catherine II and Anne of Green Gables).

I was excited about this baby so the pain I felt over her passing is more intense, like a thousand paper cuts to the heart. It’s strange how I can feel this much for someone I haven’t seen nor touched yet. And she isn't even mine.

Maybe it’s because I’ve already named her that’s why I feel a loss this deep. Because if she was just an “it” or “a baby” to me – a nameless, unseen and untouched bundle of flesh— then her passing might have been greeted with just a tinge of sadness. Like how one would feel losing a book or a key.

But Annica proved to be a very special baby, made more precious because she was a fleeting dream, a gust of precious air that was gone before I knew it. I can only imagine the pain that Manang Bing and Kuya Totoy must be going through right now. It's probably like having a part of you brutally cut off, leaving behind this yawning, throbbing hole. I don't have the slightest idea, but it must surely feel that way in view of how I crappy I feel right now.

I just console myself with the thought that Annica was born an angel, not meant for life on earth, but meant only to be with God.

To my Mom

I am my Mother's daughter. I admit there were (and are) times I wish I wasn't, especially when she's driving me crazy to the point I feel like pulling my hair out, but what can I say? She's my Mother. The woman who would fight tooth and nails for me and my Dad. The woman who took care of me (still does), raised me (still does, I think) and loves me. She's half of the reason why I'm always aiming high at whatever I do, and also half of the reason why I am who I am now.

To write about my Mom will require way more space than what blogspot can offer me. Seriously. My Mother is a unique person, one of those rare, probably dying breed of women who are strong-willed with a lot of guts and gumption and a quicksilver tongue that doesn't hold back nor mince words. She's one of those people who you either love or hate. It took almost 30 years for me to fully understand why my Mom is the way she is, and I am so thankful now that she's the way she is.

Back in my immature teenage years, there were so many times I wish I could swap Moms with my friends, particularly the ones whose Mothers allow them to go hang out with their friends till late at night. But when I got into my 20's, I finally realized that had my Mom not been as strict as she was with me back then, who knows how or where I would have ended up. Probably pregnant and married to a bum, or pregnant and not married, or both- pregnant and a bum.

Now, I know my Mom will never be able to read what I've posted here (the only thing she knows about computers is that it's called one and that's it). This is just my way of shouting out to the world that one, my Mom is great, and two, I love her.

I would also like to make special mention of my Mama Corazon, who if not for her, I wouldn't be here. And if not for her, I wouldn't have lived the life I am so blessed with right now. She made a sacrifice for me that only a Mother can do for her child. For this reason alone, and not due to conception, I love her.

Another mother to whom I owe a lot is the woman who took care of me when I was a baby- my Tita Fely. Memories of my childhood will always include her. My cousins Gray, Sisy and KC are all so blessed to have her as their mother.


Happy Mother's Day, too, to my cousins who are now Mothers: Karen (the brand-new Mama), Lea, Teena, Teene, Nang Rosie, Nang Haydee and my Manang Bing. Also to my friends who are Moms now and the ones who are about to be: Sheila, Marife, Marissa, my boss Ma'am Jen and co-worker Ma'am Linds, my mentor Ma'am Romil, Doydo, Lorena in Turkey, Chly in England and Naide in Chicago.

To all my Aunts on both my Mom and Dad's side of the family in Sagay, Manila, Bacolod, Cebu and USA, Happy Mother's Day to you all! There's too many of you to mention, but please know that I love each of you.

Oh I hate to leave out anyone but my memory isn't as sharp as it was before. So to those I've forgotten to mention here, you will have to forgive me. You have my persmission to berate me (by text , phone or email) so I can apologize, grovel and make special mention of you here.

Happy Mother's Day!

This is my Dad

... and it's his birthday today. His 73rd. We had a small at-home celebration during lunch today, the three of us- me, my Mom and Dad. We had tuyok manok (chicken barbeque), breaded shrimp with tartar sauce (my favorite, from Imay's) and for dessert, a Concorde cake from Ana Maria.

My Dad is an amazing man. Not all daughters can say that about their fathers so I'm really, really blessed. He's funny, smart and strong. There's a steeliness about him that tells people he's not to be messed around with, but inside him lurks a gentle soul that never turns down a relative or friend in need.

When I need solid advice, I turn to him. When I need to let go, I can weep on his shoulder. When I need a laugh, I can count on him to goof around.


He's passed on to me the love for reading and writing, the thirst to know more about the world around me and the belief that I can do anything I want to do and I can achieve them if only I believe in myself.

He is so much more than just the man who fed me and raised me. He is the man upon whom I measure myself. I don't mean to wax emotional here, but it's just hard not to when I'm talking about the person whose life revolves around making me and my Mom happy. He's a hero, in that way, that he always puts my Mom and me before him. In return, I always do what makes him happy. Well, I try to, although he may refute that! :-)

I can only thank God for blessing me with wonderful parents, although there are times when we get on each other's nerves. But hey, all families have drama. Mine does, all the time. There may be just three of us in this family, but believe me, our family arguments can be quite explosive. It's my Dad who is the voice of reason in this family.

Dad, happy birthday! We love you todo-todo!