So hard to be yourself (myself)

If there's one thing I learned from tonight's events, it's this: it's so darn hard to be truthful, especially to oneself.

I have for so long believed that I am okay, that I'm fine despite what most people think I was missing in life, that I am exactly where I am supposed to be. Tonight though just rammed home the painful truth that I'm not okay, I'm not fine and I'm wishing that I was somewhere else.

It is so strange how simple conversations, a simple bringing up to speed between friends who haven't seen each other in a while, can lead to an emotionally exhausting baring of deep-rooted secrets. You then find out that someone else is walking on the same rocky road. Someone else is carrying the same heavy cross. What's staggering is, that someone turns out to be a really close friend.

I don't know though if this knowledge of a kindred hurting soul will help even the tiniest bit in soothing those unseen open wounds that have long been festering. If it won't, then I don't know what will.